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August 26th, 2011

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I don't think this journal ever recovered following the death of Michael Jackson.

June 8th, 2009

Michael Jackson is only contracted to play for 13 minutes at his O2 arena concert series (tm) this summer. This means the stage show is going to be amazing. It has to be if it's going to distract the audience to the point at which they no longer care whether he's there or not. Contains strobe lighting and body doubles. Nice work putting back the first few concerts an entire year too Jacko. Even those crazy middle aged screaming guys aren't going to wait that long. I hope they release a sexy dvd of one of the gigs I can illegally download. It's sure to be up there with the David Bowie (pron. 'booey') Glass Spider tour and that U2 tour where they came out of the giant lemon at the start.

May 21st, 2009

MRRRRRRRRRRRR

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This is what I was drawing in 2004 instead of listening to a lecture. Marks = bad

April 18th, 2009

Shaq

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April 13th, 2009

Mick & The Subtitles

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They have this there programme on the television called 'The Secret Millionaire' in which some bloke/woman visits a deprived area pretending to be your run-of-the-mill documentarian and then ends up giving people lots of money to help our their awesome community project. The millionaires can be a bit self-congratulatory so I don't often watch it but this week it was in Sunderland! I'm from there!

The people of Sunderland speak with a characteristic accent. I know it's hard to believe. It's understandable though. Go to Florida and everyone will think you're Scottish, but they can still understand you. People in Scotland think you're from Newcastle which is a minor insult, but they can still understand you. So everything ain't so bad.

Mick was on this programme! I played folk stylee guitar with him a few years ago. It was nice to see his community project get some extra help but the scallywags at Channel 4 didn't have to subtitle the guy! The only time that English people are subtitled on an English TV show is when they are less than clever or incomprehensible. Accents as thick as mo-lasses. It just seemed like a bit of an insult. It WAS really funny to see someone I knew on TV being subtitled, but it suggests C4 are a bit Sunderlandist. We aren't the same as those guys drinking Skol outside St James' Park and burbling behind news reporters. Sort it out C4. The people of Sunderland are watching you.

April 7th, 2009

Funkajandelic

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Jandek is playing funk metal now.

Armageddon is coming.

Repent.

REPENT!

March 23rd, 2009

I saw the Watchmen film and this is what I thought of it. I figure nobody else on the internet will be posting about it so here goes.

I enjoyed the film. A couple of hours later though it dawned on me that people who hadn't read the comics wouldn't have had a clue what was going on. There were huge holes that were easily filled in with prior knowledge but might have left people knew to the story totally confused. The long bits of prose etc between each chapter gave loads of essential background and gave more justification for what the 'heroes' did. Prior knowledge fills that in but without it the film is a bit of a mess plot-wise.

Also the 99 luftballoons bit and the Hallelujah sex scene were both fucking stupid.

Seven buckets of popcorn out of 10. Or without the prior knowledge about four.

March 16th, 2009

I'm bringin' it back

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This is the age of Twitter. We are living in the age of Twitter. Stephen Fry is stuck in a lift. Ashton Kutcher is talking to his wife on it in front of 300,000 of his followers. Shaquille O'Neal is sitting in a Taco Bell and can sense fellow twitterers nearby. He's angry because they aren't coming to talk to him.

I think it's time to bring back paragraphs.

Here they are! The Michael Jackson press conference that was about 30 million years ago (March the 6th) reminded me of a twitter update.

"This is it! *Does funny salute thing* I love you!"

I got a text from Miles asking if I wanted to get tickets and after i'd automatically fired off the 'i'm too poor' response (I really am too poor) I realised that there was no way I would go anyway, what with the crazy and the high trainwreck potential. Watching people bomb is horrible. I was thinking about the phenomenon of feeling embarrassment on behalf of someone else. Horrible. You wouldn't want to set up a situation which involved this phenomenon. It's bad enough when it pops up at random. He probably going to mime at these gigs. He could end up fainting. His nose could fly off during a high speed dance number and land in the lap of some guy in the front row. Then you'd have to feel embarrassed on behalf of that guy. However he reacted. As I watched those people screaming outside the O2 on the news I could envisage them stuffing his nose into their bags to keep as a souvenir.

January 16th, 2009

Weird dream last night!

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My brother and I were going down to the promenade in Roker to play football. When we arrived there were hundreds of people jumping up and down like crazy and pointing out to sea. There were six or seven gigantic (I mean hundreds of metres long) whales in the water singing and batting gallons and gallons of water around with their flippers. Everything in my field of view was obscured by huge masses of water and all I could hear was whale song. The whole thing really scared me because I didn't want to get wet. Dom tried to take photos, but as soon as the first flash of his camera fired the whales got angry and his camera sailed away on the crest of a massive wave. It was like the whales were controlling everything. There were dozens of surfers just running and jumping into the water and getting thrown so high into the air they just disappeared, never to be seen again. By this point all the onlookers had stopped being scared and started partying, so everyone was dancing. As soon as the whale leader saw people punching the air and having a good time he summoned the other whales and they swam off into the sunset. The crowd heaved a collective sigh of disappointment and dispersed.

October 7th, 2008

and another thing

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I went on the Glasgow subway today for the first time, basically because it was pissing it down. It was very beige/brown. It reminded me of a sweet midday experience on the Newcastle --> Sunderland Metty a month or so back. I was sitting right at the back of a fairly crowded metro facing the window (you can see the world disappearing behind you) and a guy got on with his friend. They both had cans of Special Brew. We were on the Metro so I didn't take the drink as a bad sign on its own. The older dude sat next to me and instantly there was an almighty thud.

The guy had dropped a huge bone onto the ground and a manky fleabitten old dog was chewing on it, pushing it against my trouser leg and slobbering onto my shoes. It wasn't very nice but I had my headphones on so it was tolerable (the whole metro experience in a nutshell; from drunks to financial advisor's armpits on the 17:15, music makes it all alright). Soon after the sitting man pulled my headphones off and spent five minutes trying to get me to give him my metro pass. The pass had my face on it so was useless to anyone else. After some intense negotiations I got up and let his mate sit down in lieu of a metro ticket. The dog looked up as I left and it looked as confused as I felt.
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